Using an unusual word occasionally here and
there, to make your description stand out from others, is a good thing,
provided the word is used correctly and flowery language used sparingly.
Writing your entire description as if you are trying to win a James
Joyce's Finnegan's Wake Reborn contest, on the other hand, is pretentious and annoying, and
usually encourages dictionary & thesaurus rape, not to mention makes
your fellow players run screaming from playing with you.
SINS IN DESCRIPTIONS:
The following are actual descriptions,
or actions in scenes
players have used IC before, in our game or others. If you read these
and you do not feel the need to scrub your eyes with Brillo,
you're probably a dictionary raper.
(examples largely credited to the
forum, "Bad RP'ers Suck").
These are examples of what NOT TO DO:
- Whelpen fae's downy pelt blanket'd in
snow, broken by ebon markings along slim sides before blending into
underbelly of icey blue. Emerald orbs translated a contradiction of
youth's innocence mixed with sure spark of worldliness that was rarely
seen in one so young. Whelpen's playful exuberance around others would
quickly melt into a wolfess's coy teasing manner when her beloved father
was by her side, feminine charm practiced shamelessly upon him to the
point of more than one pair of raised brows.
[This gets extra stabby
points for being incestuous and quasi-yiffy, on top of the dorky language use.]
- Brujo's powerful frame was encased in unmarred ivory causing golden
optics to appear startlingly intense reminding one of sun shining
brightly through mist. He carried with him an aura of calm assurance
seen only in those who walk thier path in life boldy, and without
reservations. Expression normally set in cool reserve, would quickly
shift to an unhidden wolfish smile when with his treasured daughter;
whom he nuzzled, and groomed with a tender devotion that raised
incest points. Die now.]
- Setting the
lighter of the two bottles apon the bar she reached behind her and
replaced the unused one. Standing near the shelving he was able to
see the black skirt she wore which didn't quite seem to reach her
kness... accompanied by a simple fitting tank top. There were no
visable scars adorning her skin...though there was no mistaking the
toneness of her body that only came with years of training day in
and day out. Stepping back to the counter she went about removing
the cork and pouring him a full glass. Leaving the bottle near by
she carefully recorked it and nodded to him...those loose strands
once again falling to sway before one eye. :-:
The stranger paused ...
then looked to the woman, a flash of eyes beneath the hood as words
were spoken, muffled from behind the mask-like material. Sounded
something like a young boy, 16 or so, as the voice was not as deep
as it should be. "How on earth did you get so many candles? ...
you're miles away from a candle-maker, and even so, those are only
in large towns. And what strange wear you have ..."
:-: At the young
boys words, she couldn't hide the look of playfull amusement that
crossed her features. :-: Jade has many wonders in this
tavern...though I believe she makes nearly everything in here. I
wouldn't be surprised if she made the candles as well. :-: In an
absent minded gesture...her hand rose and ran through her long hair,
brushing it back for her sights. Even in the soft light of the
candles, her fair skin shimmered ever-so-slightly in a manner that
matched her emerald eyes :-:
walks into the cafe/bar/room/club, (insert two-paragraph long
description of how gorgeous and dangerous he/she looks) and gazes
around with cold/hot eyes.. he/she walks to an empty corner booth
and takes a seat, watching the crowd....
- Idiot who must
not be named: *parting the door with a quick push, and woman walks
in roughly two meters tall, body rippling with taught, toned
muscles, pulling her scaled skin smooth. Her scales, abundant and
slick, are iridescent, reflecting every change in the light with a
shift in coloration. Large ovals of green, bands that meld cleanly
into her scales appear on her thighs, shins, stomach, and a single
tiny one on her neck, if one were to examine closely enough, they
would find that the bands are slightly overlapping, with the one
above covering the top of the band below it. Though her scales
create a mostly uniform pattern of slightly varying sizes, they fade
into true skin carrying the same prism-effect that her scales do at
places of sensitivity, yet remain present on her thin face.
Black: sits in a chair
face, is a complete lack of hair and ears, instead her hearing is
conducted completely through a pair of holes that rest on the line
where her large hood meets her skull. Her hood, blessed with a large
and intricate design, with many loops and curves on the backside, is
much larger than the others of her race, yet it can be pulled tight
to her skin and disappear completely. Her eyes are almond-shaped and
deathly white, bearing only clouded impressions of the normal
serpentine slits, never turning or moving. Resting just under her
small nose are a pair of nostril-looking holes, yet they never flex
or breath, they only receive. Shattering the almost amazonian image
of her body, is a large bust, almost seeming a curse and a blessing
by its size, it exudes obvious strain on her collar bone and chest.
Resting in her mouth are two rows of hand-sharpened teeth, canines
folded back like a true snake's, each perhaps two inches in length.
Sprouting lithely from her hips is a long tail, easily longer than
she is tall, tipped at the end by a boney rattle, making a small
click with each swipe. Taking a stool at the end of the bar she
orders nothing and remains silent*
Even the most stubborn
pig can be brought to root. ::Glistening fibers of sable lashed the
minute rupture birthed by the Egyptian's capricious fury as his head
violently reoriented towards the retiring god which loomed over the
embrace of winter which always seemed to intensify at night. The
same hand which still throbbed with the residue of violence perched
upon the alabaster ridge of Cassie's kneecap, supple underbellies of
languid phalanges rotating as they massaged the flesh beneath. His
anger could subside quickly, so long as he was obeyed:: At least
superficially, you are a treasure. I wish you would come to terms
with that, to glorify in that.
[Character] stands curvaceous 5 foot 10 inches
tall. Long wavy auburn hair sits at the base of her spine that
ripples like fine silk, clear, soft green eyes, which sparkle, high
cheekbones that hold a soft glow and lips that shine with a sultry
caught the dying stars of Angel's eyes as the flashed within the
crushed velvet of her face, eternal in its own beautiful darkness.
He gazed upon her with an inquistive manner, muzzle the sharp edge
of silver on the shadow's border within the warm jade of the grass
where it rested betwix outreached paws. He gave tongue to no words
at first-his silver ears flickering to and fro into the void breath
of the wind, hearing nothing but the intricate sound of silence. At
length, however, he allowed a smile to birth its way upon his maw,
as shining at the sun's first blush, much like his name, the glow of
the morning sun, and he chuckled softly into the earth. "What is it
then, mi lady? Something amiss?""
PLEASE NOTE -- THE BELOW IS SOMEONE'S *OOC* PROFILE, NOT THEIR
I am insanity incarnate.Also a female gamer.And a rper of a little
over seven years or more. Other than that, however, I am an 18 year
old woman with a flair for the dramatics and a lust for insanity. I
am a Jedi Master, who is the love child of Anakin Skywalker. I fully
intended to legally change my last name to Skywalker once I move out
of my parent's household. I am also a lycan. Yes, my dears, a
werewolf. This is not some attempt at being clever-I'm quite
serious. Hmm. My personality is difficult to describe with much
success. How about you take a female Captain Jack Sparrow, combine
that with Aragorn, combine that with Legolas, combine that with
Gollum, combine that with Wolverine, combine that with Spider-Man,
and then spice it up with Anya from Buffy, with a side order of
Spike and Xander, and there you have it. Oh, and mix in my daddy's,
aka Anakin's temper, and I'm a force to be reckoned with. I love
Star Wars as well as Lord Of The Rings, and can speak fluent Elvish.
[NOTE HERE: CLEARLY SHE'S NOT EVEN 18 YET AND HAD TIME TO MASTER 5
IMAGINARY LANGUAGES? I DON'T THINK SO TIM)
Theatre is my passion, and I intend to major in it in college and
later persue it as a career. I plan to attend Warren Wilson college
in the fall. I also skateboard, surf, write, and act. Obviously on
the last. I madder than a hatter. Really. Seriously. I have two
horses, a few dogs, and some lovebirds, pet-wise. To sum it up: I'm
spontaenous, marshmellow with rabbit ears. In other words, I'm so
cute and fluffy, but ultimately psycho. I feel it evens things out
quite a lot. I have a sad addiction to
creamy peanut butter, shiny, and\or soft\fuzzyobjects, sharp and
painfulobjects, and things that sparkle or glitter, hence one of my
many aliases being "magpie." I enjoy being stroked, as well as
giving, and reciving, bites.
I fully believe that mirrors are portals into parrallel universes;
it would explain the obscence guestures made by my counterpart. My
taste in music is electic, ranging from Classical tometal. I speak
fluent Elvish, Huttenense, Jawa, and Wookie. Yup-I'm a Star-Wars
girl. I love people, and parties. I am an avid reader, as well as a
writer. I'm a purebred American mongrel, with hertitage from the
world over, the most promient being that of two of the oldest
Scottish tribes as well as Native American. I'm an author on
fictionpress, and write under the pen name of (Changed to protect
the retarded) FUCKASS_01. Please feel free to read some of my works.
I dabble mostly in Fantasy. You can find me in various rps...
everyone who "Dictionary Rapes" spells badly, or even writes
all that horribly
(though clearly the examples above show that abuse of flowery words
(a.k.a., "Purple Prose") is
frequently a crutch for good old-fashioned crappy spelling & grammar,
or sometimes just a sheer lack of any meaningful actions to add to the
Sometimes, excessive use of colorful words can pass as good writing at
first glance, witness a couple of examples above that only grate
after careful inspection of the particulars involved. Below is an
example of how even someone who can at first pretend to spell and
conjugate, still can't write something that does not make you want to
scratch your eyes out (and yes this is ALL one description!):
Agonizing contemplation; archangelic
comportment concealed beneath psychopathic mindset, and actions.
Bone masquerade enshrouded facial appearance, lowermost and higher
structures. Lithe embodiment concluded with twin spaded pulmages.
Incomparable marking displayed amongst contessa's rump, destroyed
fragments of diamonds stuck into fleshy section above rear.
Arduous when needed, brisky when wanted. Massive female, merge of an
ebon and silver complexion, concealed mainly along posterior.
Illumed cream suffocated in diminutive clods along the abdomen and
thorax. Irises infused with pure azure mixture held with secretive,
mysterious background. Demeanors intensity, gave accurate satifation
Lifeless pools of astoundingly vivid jade gawk from beige pelage,
which was thrown 'pon gentle canidae frame. Cream hue itinerant from
the base of her nape to the launch of her caudal. Garnet pinnae
incline 'pon her cranium of onyx that ends at her tassel. Lean,
sturdy pillars accustomed with one mitt of ivory and remaining of
ebony mitts. Muted aigrette of onyx, beige, and cream hues flare out
with unorganized particles of pelt straying out in all directions.
Ebon painted chassis flaunting robusts limbs ruggedly, crania lifted
regally into heavenbound stature. Tassle floated behind as
three-beat took forth across grassy lands, grunt would emit as
display of resistance free gait commensed. Lightly tempered visuals
gazed down along the way, bantering whicker would echo through the
grounds announcing her presence to be known.
Diminutive physique; desirable obsidian silken peltage intervolved
within dusted impressings. Unauthenticated moon burned upon cranial
structure, inbetween duo hued grey eyes, inherited forth dame.
Persuaded into disproportionate demeanor; hankering towards via
unfamiliar; distrustful via kindred
SINS IN CHARACTER NAMES:
If you name your
character anything that even remotely resembles something like, "Princess Honeydew Moonglow Silverstar Rainbowstrike Raventhorn Sparklepants", you are
a dictionary/thesaurus rapist.
Lay off the names with words about
flowers, celestial bodies, wild animals, jewels, or precious metals. In
some genres, it's less inappropriate, but too much is too much in any
genre. If you sound like a cheesy AD&D character, it's too much.
WHY SPELLING COUNTS, especially in
descriptions and actions:
A girl took a stool a few feet away and
asked for a beer she didnt care what.She hated her job as a sluet
waitress with rich guys eyeing her ase ,all she wanted was to be an
actress.But that would never happen,she sighed outloud.
fiona glared at him and said in a powerful
voice you dare to challange me? i am what was what is what will be the
dark angel chaos bringer i am power!
USE OF FOREIGN LANGUAGES, ARCHAIC LANGUAGES
OR FICTIONAL LANGUAGES:
FOREIGN LANGUAGES: If your character
is foreign, it is fine and sometimes interesting to intersperse phrases,
idiomatic expressions and so forth, from their native language. However,
please make sure you do your homework and do not use things if you do
not know what they mean. The biggest offenders of this are people who
play Asian characters, treating Japanese, Chinese, Korean and other
cultures as mix and match or interchangeable. There are a lot of online
dictionaries and while they are imperfect, it is a lot better than
outright trying to fake it.
BUTCHERED ARCHAIC ENGLISH:
Sometimes, players of elder characters try to mimic anachronistic
phrasing to portray someone who is not very modern. Fine in principle,
but as with all such things, do your homework. Don't just "Thee" and
"thou" and doth and shalt in random places and think that is the key to
- WHAT NOT TO DO: Her hand slide down
from where they were cupping her head in its downwards lean into
them, her demeanor sullen, and her eyes not lifting up towards him,
instead focusing upon one of the windows that boast claim to the
twilight coming outside. Though, after some time, the pale cores
slowly flicker in his direction. "In the end I was most likely
attempting to protect mineself, though its too late for such
notions, and I am ended up the fool. Doth not worry of me, I await
word of mine companion then I shalt leave thine city" If you don't
understand Shakespearean English, don't use it.
FICTIONAL LANGUAGES: In the World of
Darkness, there are a few specialized languages amongst the
supernaturals. There are plenty to go around already. You do not need to
make MORE of them by bringing in Klingon, Elvish, or anything else from
other worlds. It just makes you look dorky. Skirting around this by
making a character who does it IC, STILL makes you look dorky. Stop it.
PLAYER NOTES AND COMMENTS: