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PHANTASM SAYS WILL CLOSE DOORS SOON
INDEFINITELY --
NORTHWEST:
 Popular
dance and dinner venue The Phantasm, in Northwest DC,
having undergone more than its share of upheaval and
controversy, is talking about closing for an unspecified
period of time to deal with its ownership and management
issues. Former club owner Sean Brennan has taken an open-ended hiatus, and transferred
ownership of the club to regular headliners Louis Delacourt and Aki Oshii,
who are now missing persons.
Police have investigated the
matter to the fullest extent but no explanation is
forthcoming. Calls to the Box Office were not returned by
press time.
Jesus Christ Wants To Drive
Man's Birth Name Is Peter Robert Phillips Jr.
CHARLESTON, W.VA (AP)
Jesus Christ is hoping to move to West
Virginia, but he’s having trouble getting a driver’s license.
The man is described as a white-haired businessman who’s been using that
name for 15 years without a problem. He has a U. S. passport, Social
Security card and Washington driver’s license bearing the name Jesus
Christ.
But he still falls short of West Virginia title and license
requirements, since his Florida birth certificate bears his original
name. Plus, the man born as Peter Robert Phillips Jr. still hasn’t
gotten an official name change approved in Washington.
A District of Columbia judge denied the legal change two years ago,
saying the name could provoke “a violent reaction” or “significantly”
offend people. An appeals court ruling last month, however, will start
that process anew.
Christ’s attorney says the name change was an effort to express his
faith. "This all started with him expressing his faith and his respect
and love for Jesus Christ," attorney A.P. Pishevar told The Associated
Press. "Now he needs to document it for legal reasons."
(© 2005 The Associated
Press. All Rights Reserved.)
Rumsfeld, Myers Join Bikers
WASHINGTON, DC --
Thousands of motorcycles rolled down the streets of the nation's capital
Sunday in a rally organized by Rolling Thunder, a biker group that
supports veterans' rights.
The group has been staging the rally on Memorial Day weekend since 1988
to focus attention on POW-MIA issues.
Many of the bikers took part in the annual memorial ride from Arlington
National Cemetery to the National Vietnam War Memorial before heading to
the Lincoln Memorial.
The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Gen. Richard Myers, and his
wife joined the thousands of bikers riding through Washington.
Later in the day, Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld gave a speech to
members of Rolling Thunder near the Lincoln Memorial. He thanked the
veterans' commitment to the cause of freedom.
POLICE
NEWS
RETIRED CALIFORNIA SENATOR TOM CAMPBELL
INDICTED FOR PENTEX CONNECTION, CHARGES OF
CORRUPTION -- NORTHWEST --
Hot on the heels of their
sudden, under-the-table hostile takeover by Shinzui
Industries of Japan, Pentex Inc. has come under the
spotlight again, this time amidst charges that a former
Senator was receiving kickbacks from a subsidiary of their
holding company in exchange for secretly pushing through
numerous bills for various drug regulations, environmental
issues, cloning and disease research issues and business
regulatory matters.
Shinzui, as the new owner of a
majority of Pentex's holdings, has been named as a defendant
in the suit.
Federal investigators would not
comment about the indictment, but unofficial Hill sources
say that the rumor is that charges were brought as the
result of some new information that was couriered
anonymously to a Senate Investigations Office downtown. They
could not speculate as to the nature of this new evidence,
nor to the possible source.
Campbell was unavailable for
comment at press time. He had one prior brush with the law
during his tenure as Senator, involving the murder of his
chief intern, Adam Osbourne, which remains an unsolved case
of which Campbell was acquitted despite several
irregularities in the trial.
MY CAT HACKED UP AN ELVIS PRESLEY
HAIRBALL
RAREST Elvis King of Rock-n-Roll Presley Collectible!
EBay Item number: 5572953683
Item location: Saukville, Wisconsin
It was late, I was snuggled warmly in bed
when I heard Mr.
 Boogers
and the all-too-familiar cack cack cack cack urrrrrrp SPLAT! I knew he
had just hacked up a hairball, but I couldn’t bear the thought of
getting up in the middle of the night and stepping in his ooey, gooey
slime-covered fur-offering in the dark so I went back to sleep knowing
it would be much easier to see it and scrape it up in the morning.
When I awoke I had all but forgotten about it until I saw the dark gray
blob on the bathroom floor. I was about to wipe it up with a wad of
toilet paper when I noticed this hairball had a distinct shape. Figuring
I was seeing things, I summoned my mother to come and take a look (Note
to self: Mothers, no matter how good and sweet and kind and motherly, do
not appreciate being summoned and driving 30 miles to look at hairballs
at the break of dawn). She saw it too…someone’s profile in Mr. Booger’s
hairball…
But not just ANY someone, this someone looks amazingly like THE King
himself! Elvis Presley in cat hair
on MY bathroom floor! This was definitely a first for Mr. Boogers whose
previous hairball-art offerings included mostly hotdog, bratwurst,
wiener and the occasional sausage patty shapes, but never anything quite
so artistic or slimy. I wiped the excess goo-age from the floor around
Mr. Boogers’ project, put a cardboard box over to allow it some drying
time and avoid disturbing my cat’s obvious masterpiece.
This morning, after allowing Elvis to dry to perfection, I scraped him
off my bathroom floor and now offer him to you today. The discerning
collector of hairballs will see a good-sized glob of Mr. Boogers’ hair,
but this is not only Mr. Boogers’ hair, it also the hair of his friends
Fartimus Blossom, Itsy Bitsy, Julius Sneezer, Thomas Wetherby Thumbles
and Schmidty (no, I am not one of those crazy cat ladies), all of whom
Mr. Boogers likes to pin down and groom against their will. Yikes! I do
blather on! Lucky winning bidder will receive the genuine Mr. Boogers
Elvis Presley hairball pictured here which I will carefully package on
the requisite bed of cotton balls that all highly collectible items must
be laid upon and enclose it in a clear plastic box for ultimate display
as well as transportability! Take Elvis everywhere you go!
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UN Authorizes World Advisory Council to Fight Terrorist
‘Nine’ |
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK — The United Nations
Security Council today granted extraterritorial law- enforcement
powers to the World Advisory Council. Staffed by members
of the international intelligence, military and
scientific communities, the Council’s expertise will be
used to dismantle the infrastructure of The Nine, a
terrorist organization credited with attacks worldwide.
Advisors will assist global military and law enforcement
as well as manage member nations’ detention camps. The
demand for outside assistance comes in the wake of the
deaths of 54 FBI agents who attempted to apprehend
members of the so-called “Akashic Brotherhood.” The cult
is one of many fringe cells that US State Department
officials accuse of using psychotropic chemicals and
biological weapons to fulfill The Nine’s anarchist,
apocalyptic agenda. |
Pet Shop Owner: Turtle Has Satan Image After
Surviving Fire -- Frankfort, IN:
An Indiana pet store owner says a
turtle that was the only animal to
 survive
a fire at the shop has developed an image of Satan's face on its
shell. Bryan Dora's pet store in Frankfort burned down several
weeks ago. The red-ear slider turtle named Lucky is the only
survivor of about 150 animals.
Dora said after the fire, an image
appeared on Lucky's shell that appears to be the face of a
devil. He said the turtle is not possessed but is very tame. He
believes that in every fire the devil leaves his mark somewhere,
and that Lucky was touched.
Dora said many other people also say they have seen the image on
the turtle, and get scared away. "He was saved for a reason,
everything else had perished, even the other turtles, and I
think that reason is basically to let people know that he was
down there," Dora said.
Investigators could not determine the cause of the fire, which
destroyed the A-Dora-ble Pet Shop and several other businesses
in Frankfort, about 40 miles northwest of Indianapolis.
Copyright 2005 by Internet Broadcasting Systems and
Local6.com. The Associated Press contributed to this report. All
rights reserved.
Homebuilders Encase Bible In Every House's
Foundation -- MAGNOLIA, Texas --
Some Texas homeowners are literally
standing on the promises of God.
 That's
because every home built by Possibility Custom Homes has a Bible
encased in its concrete foundation.
James Wallace said he and co-owner Andy Eckert believed that if they
built their company on a godly foundation, then God would bless it.
Building homes with a Bible in the foundation isn't something they
advertise, but they don't hide it either. Wallace said they explain
to buyers why they do it and so far haven't run into any opposition.
But if someone were opposed, he said they wouldn't do it. Eckert
said, "We don't force our beliefs on anybody."
Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All rights reserved.
INTERNATIONAL
NEWS
Cambodian Troops Quarantine Quan'sul --
BBC News South Asia --
There has been a small outbreak of “zombism” in a small town near the
border of Laos in North-Eastern Cambodia.
The culprit was discovered to be mosquitoes native to that region
carrying a new strain of Malaria which thus far has a 100 percent
mortality rate and kills victims in fewer than 2 days.
After death, this parasite is able to restart the heart of its victim
for up to two hours after the initial demise of the person where the
individual behaves in extremely violent ways from what is believed to be
a combination of brain damage and a chemical released into blood during
“resurrection.”
Cambodian officials say that the outbreak has been contained and the
public has no need to worry.
General Ary Serey had this to say, "We have obtained samples of this new
parasite and plan to learn how it starts the heart and other major
organs of the deceased. We intend to use this to increase the quality of
life for all."
US Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice opposed the plan saying that the
Cambodian government holds a great biological weapon and should destroy
it immediately. Cambodian officials have yet to comment.
A United Nations team will be dispatched to Cambodia to confirm the
safety of biological research in Cambodia.
Girl
tortured over witchcraft claims
By Paul Cheston, Evening Standard
A child accused of witchcraft by her aunt was tortured, tied up in a
laundry bag and almost thrown into a river to drown, the Old Bailey
heard today.
The aunt changed her mind when she realised that under British law she
would be jailed for murder, the court heard.
The 39-year-old - who, like the child, cannot be named for legal reasons
- and Sita Kisanga, 35, deny conspiracy to murder and child cruelty
between August 2002 and January last year. The two women lived with the
eight-yearold in Finsbury Park.
The aunt and child came to Britain from Angola in 2002.
Patricia May, prosecuting, said that when she arrived the aunt claimed
to be the girl's mother - but the girl's parents are thought to be dead.
Ms May said the girl began to be mistreated "when Kisanga's son accused
her of ... going out at night using witchcraft to harm household
members".
Chilli peppers were rubbed into the girl's eyes, she was beaten with a
belt, cut with a knife and starved, the court heard.
Mrs May said there was "an agreement between the aunt and Kisanga to do
away with [the girl] by putting her in a laundry bag and throwing her in
the river close to Kisanga's home." She would have died, the jury heard,
but for the intervention of Kisanga's brother Sebastian Pinto. Ms May
said: "He came around when the girl was about to be thrown in, and
advised against doing so on the grounds that if they did ... they would
go to prison."
Pinto, 33, and his girlfriend Kiwonde Kiese, 21, both of Hackney, deny
aiding and abetting child cruelty. The case continues.
ENTERTAINMENT
NEWS:
GOSSIP
COLUMN
ON HIATUS
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